Professional Perspectives: Your Money, Your Independence | Business

Enjoy Every Sandwicher Moment

Once David Letterman had a frequent guest and favorite musician of his, Warren Zevon, on for an entire show. Zevon, who disclosed his terminal cancer, performed and interviewed throughout. Dave at one point asked, “Anything you know now, that I should know?” to which Zevon wittily deadpanned, “Enjoy every sandwich.”

Those raising children and helping aging parents often feel rushed and are distracted thinking about what’s next, over-looking the beauty of daily, mundane moments.

July is National Sandwich Generation Month, celebrating a generation of people sandwiched between caring for their young children and aging parents at the same time.

I’m a Sandwicher, as are approximately 15% of Americans between ages 40-60 who face the challenges of planning, communicating and executing for 3 generations at once.

After 60 years in their New Hampshire home, my parents were struggling with their health and finding it increasingly difficult to maintain their independence. The stress weighed heavily on my mother, as she was becoming a caregiver and daily living/house routines began to slide. My wife, our daughters (then 5 & 3) and I lived comfortably in our Ashland home. The adults agreed on a Plan B supported by updated financial planning. Sell both homes, buy a new home for 3 generations and live as one household sharing in daily responsibilities.

The urgency was greater than anticipated and not without challenges since our move to Holliston, here’s some antidotes for Sandwichers:

Small talks instead of “The Talk”. Families don’t like to think about declining health and elder care, let alone discuss it. I used single topics tied to a recent story about a friend, asking what they would do. I’d gain small agreements, then change the subject to continue building a framework for a mutual plan.

Bring in outside mediators. My aunt shared with my mom that time is not your friend. She emphasized the positives and encouraged to act now, rather than later, when fewer options are available. Additionally, we consulted with an elder care attorney on understanding MA Health options, current trusts, POAs and proxies before making the move.

Define their plans for wellness. Far too often, adult children tip-toe around aging conversations with parents for fear it may come across as morbid or worse, inheritance focus. These conversations need to focus on their future ideas of wellness. What is it they foresee for a surviving spouse? When they can no longer re-main independent? By having these talks when both parents are in good health, it defines their expectations and allows planning a foundation with greater flexibility.

Your spouse’s support is critical. Very fortunate to have a spouse that pushed me to see the positives and embraces bringing family in as “you’d want your daughters to treat you the same someday.”

Through the eyes of a child. It’s not all about you, the girls show the love and benefits of learning by being around grandma and grandpa. And vice versa, as health and activity improved due to the energy and motivation brought daily by our girls.

Sometimes timing is everything. I couldn’t imagine the anxiety and ill-advised actions my parents would have faced on their own since fall of 2018. Nor would I have wanted to see my mom on her own this past year and moving forward.

Your parents sacrificed many things to make sure you had it better, including concealing issues to not worry you. Be open with communication and embrace change, the best ways to prevent costly unintended consequences and ensure positive lasting memories.

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

Glenn Brown lives in MetroWest and is owner of Plan- Dynamic, LLC, www.PlanDynamic.com. He is a fee-only Certified Financial Planner™ helping motivated people take control of their planning and investing, so they can balance kids, aging parents and financial independence